Friday night and I'm at home with The Kid because Wifey has a social engagement. I dig our Troublesome Twosome evenings because it's a nice bonding opportunity for the two of us, and often what I'll do is set up a movie night since we generally don't allow her a lot of screen time. We do it up: fun "junky dinner" (like hot dogs are something), popcorn, ice cream. The works. That night she asked to watch The Lion King. You remember The Lion King, right? "I just cant wait to be king"? "Kakuna Matata"? Came out in 1994?
So we hit the tv room and I prepare to search for it online. I'm used to this dance, y'know? It happens every time we want to watch something. I start off with Netflix and usually strike out because Netflix has zilch for movies. Then I move on to FiOS On-Demand because why not? Usually I can stop right there and get on with my evening. Not this night, my friends. Not this night. FiOS didn't have The Lion King. I move on to XBox and start searching their various video offerings for it, including Amazon Prime. Nothing. At this point I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong. I can find Big Hero 6, which was out not that long ago, but I can't find a decades old movie? It didn't make sense to me. Unfortunately no amount of searching yielded the ability to stream The Lion King. So, we had to watch Bob the Builder episodes. A bunch of them. I fucking hate Bob the Builder. All of those construction vehicle characters have entirely too much hubris.
Later that night after the little one was asleep, I figured I'd treat myself to a little movie viewing. I had a desire to watch some super hero action/adventure, and I was kinda craving Robert Downey Jr. so I decided to look for a little Avengers. I followed much the same route as earlier (with the exception of the XBox Video because by this time I was laying in bed with my iPad). I started with Netflix, went on to Amazon Prime. Not available to stream. Netflix has some cute Avengers cartoons, but I didn't want cute cartoons. Okay, how about Iron Man? I'll even take the first one. Nope. At this point I wanted to throw something. So much content, so many services, and we still have really shitty selection. I honestly don't get what makes it so that I can't stream any of the Fast and Furious movies, or Spiderman or even Taken, but I can get Hunger Games: Catching Fire and Robocop? I can get something old as shit like The Fifth Element, but not The Lion King? Why can I stream Dirty Dancing but not Mannequin?!
I know, I know, there are complicated forces behind these things, legions of dark-suited media pimps haggling and bargaining across the biggest solid oak table you've ever seen. It just seems crazy to me that everything is not available to stream by now—especially the old stuff! Like, I thought Netflix was the Last Stand for some of these old movies. Who does it benefit to keep this stuff vaulted up? Surely you'd make more money letting a service offer all of this old stuff so that people like me can go traipsing down memory lane than by letting it rot in a vault? How about the fact that Age of Ultron is coming out soon? I can't be the only person who wanted to reacquaint myself with The Avengers so that I would be up-to-date when the movie releases soon.
I get that "they'd" much rather have you buy the DVD/BlueRay disc/whatever but surely there's a dropoff time where you reckon if someone hasn't bought it by then, they're not gonna. I haven't purchased Michael Keaton-era Batman; I doubt that's going to change now. So just freaking stream it!
I wound up watching Voltron that night. Voltron! I love Voltron, but c'mon. You have Voltron and you don't have Short Circuit?
Ugh.
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