Sexual Discovery: What Are You Obligated to Tell?

Things that happened this morning:

- We almost got t-boned by a huge pickup truck when Wifey turned left at an intersection. The truck was sitting in the middle of the intersection opposite us with his blinker on signaling that he was turning left as well. Should of worked out except that when we started to turn he apparently changed his mind and started straight for us.

- I was almost for driven off the road by some bitch in a minivan who decided she didn't want to stay in her lane while we turned a corner. Had the nerve to curse at me and honk her horn. I caught up to her and blew a raspberry because I'm vicious.

- I almost got t-boned by another driver who was turning left while I was going straight.

But the thing that prompted this post was my favorite local sports radio show. Yes, again. Not in a negative way this time though. It just gave me something to think about and I thought I'd share those thoughts with my readers (or, reader. Hi Jeff!). They were talking about Michael Phelps and the stories circulating online that his girlfriend is transgender, a man, or whatever. Different "articles" use different terminology in their headlines. I'm trying to find a link that doesn't look like it came from the Enquirer. Let me see...I can't find anything, so here it is.

The story, in a word, is "Yuck". Not that she was born intersex and had the surgery and all that jazz, but that she's more than likely not at all involved with Michael Phelps and is using this for some sort of weird publicity. Bleh. The radio show this morning was also very positive and not at all disrespectful about the process and her history. The question they raised though, was this: "What, if any, obligation does a person have to tell their partner about their past?"

In this case it was clearly bullshit that if she did indeed have some sort of relationship with him she opted to go to the media with the revelation of her surgery and such without telling her alleged boyfriend first. That's a no-brainer and a clear money-grab move. Hence one of the reasons I call shenanigans (not to mention the lack of photos of the two of them together, etc.). Let's move beyond that to the generic. If you are a transgender woman/man, or were born intersex and got some things removed, whatever...do you have to tell your partner? And if so, when?

My short answer is this: if you're having a hook-up, kind've one-night-stand style, and everything looks "fine" down there (i.e. they're not going to find something they weren't expecting), I don't think you do. It's a one-time deal and I think there's some safety concerns involved. You don't know the other person all that well yet in the case of a hook-up, and trusting them with that kind of detail means you're opening yourself up for some potentially psycho behavior. I mean, do you tell them at the bar when you guys are getting cosy and heading "that way", allowing for the possibility of them making a scene to save face in front of their friends or something? Do you tell them when you're alone and about to get personal, introducing the risk of personal harm if they flip out? Have you ever seen "Looking for Mr. Goodbar"?

Personally, I've never met/seen a transgender person who didn't ping something. I'm sorry, I know this will probably offend some transgender folks, but I've never seen one that didn't make me think "That used to be a man" or "That used to be a woman". I just don't know how you could miss it. Even this chick, the one claiming to be with Michael Phelps—she's clearly had some surgery done and went the whole nine to realize her inner woman, but her face man. Her face would make me pause and ask some questions before we got too close. It still has masculine angles. But, if some hot woman managed to slip past my radar and we hooked up, I figure what I don't know won't hurt me. This is clearly not the case with STDs, but being transgender is not transmittable, so...play on! (All of the above is also clearly hypothetical since I'm both married and not likely to attract a hot woman other than my wife.)

If you're in a relationship though, if it's getting serious—yeah, you need to fess up. Getting serious is the line, you know, where it's time to come clean about everything because it's about building a relationship, and trust is a cornerstone there, if I may be cheesy. It shouldn't (hopefully wouldn't) change anything if you're with the right person, whereas if it came out somehow later on from another source it could threaten the stability of your relationship.

My two cents on a totally irrelevant subject.

Adrian Peterson Suspended? Good!

Time to write so that this poison in my heart can get out and I can get on with my day.

I heard some chatter on my local sports radio station this morning that almost made me break my texting while driving rule. I wanted to Tweet, Facebook, call in (and I never call in). Seriously.

So Adrian Peterson has been suspended for the rest of the season. You can read about it here and here, plus a bunch of other places. The show hosts, Toucher and Rich, along with their invited guest Greg Bedard (about whom I will say right now, "Eff that guy"), expressed outrage at the suspension. I heard a lot of "What AP did was wrong, but..." and "I don't condone this practice, but..." "Maybe he went overboard, but..." etc. If you agree that he was wrong, and that he needs to be punished, then what's the big fucking deal about him getting suspended for the remaining 6 games?

Oh. You're pissed at Goodell in general. Anything the dude does is automatically wrong, evil, insert adjective here.

Let me try and enumerate and respond to not only the arguments I heard on this show (which I normally love but pissed me off beyond belief today) but also in the comments on that ESPN article. I know, never read the comments, but sometimes there's this masochistic part of me that wants to test whether or not people are as shitty as I typically think they are. They are.

Goodell is only doing this because of public perception. He screwed up on the Ray Rice case so he's making up for it and going overboard. 
And? Yeah, he messed up with the Ray Rice shit storm. He's making sure he doesn't fall into the same thing with Adrian Peterson. He doesn't want to be accused of giving this dude a slap on the wrist and letting him off easy. AP was suspended 6 games already—WITH PAY! He missed out on actual play time —which I understand would be a big deal for a competitive athlete— but he still got paid. What a luxury. You're getting punished for violating an agreement with your employer, but you're still getting paid. Now he gets suspended 6 more games without pay. That's too much though, right? Going overboard. Tell me—what is the proper punishment for beating a kid these days?

But look at all the other NFL players that do/did heinous things? Murder, manslaughter, abuse, drugs, drunk driving, you name it. The NFL never gave a fuck before and now they suddenly do?
Better late than never I say. What kind of argument is this anyway? "They never did anything about it before so they should probably keep on keepin' on. Too late now." How does continuing to not do anything help anything?

Goodell's making shit up as he goes. He's catering to public pressure. 
Duh. He has a brand. His brand has had a shitty year in regards to reputation. Now more than ever the league seems full of unstable, bully-type agro dudes, and the cover is being pulled back on the league's implicit support and how they sweep these incidents under the rug. He'd be being irresponsible to his organization if he didn't take public perception into account and try to manage that. I reckon the folks most upset about this are the ones who want their business-as-usual football, hold the personal accountability please. "Yeah, yeah, beating bad, blah blah blah. Will he be back in in time to help us make a post-season run?"

But still, Goodell suspended Stallworth for the entire season in 2009 for killing a pedestrian while driving. Does AP deserve the same punishment as a dude convicted of DUI manslaughter? Isn't that a bit much? 
There are people who would argue that Stallworth should have gotten worse than that. Did Goodell set a precedent that means that any other crime lesser than murder requires less time? Is the league not allowed to adjust as time goes on?

AP's actions were a product of his background/upbringing/race, whatever. He didn't think he was doing wrong, and plenty of people spank their kids. 
Go fuck yourself if you can't tell the difference and you justify abuse with that tired-ass argument. I was raised being "whooped". I don't hit my kid. Argument nullified.

But Goodell is evil. Goodell is a coward. Goodell is a joke. Goodell is the antichrist. I'm never watching football again until Goodell is gone. Goodell is ruining the league. 
So, let me get this straight. You're real problem is with Goodell. You don't actually care about what the players do. You'd have been happier if AP beating his kid had never come to light. You'd have been happier if that Ray Rice video had never surfaced. Because now the general public, not just the people who live and breathe football, know what's going on and are weighing in and putting pressure on Goodell to hold these dudes accountable and it's just fucking everything up. And you guys have some sort of bug up your ass about Goodell specifically. When he doesn't punish Rice enough, he's awful. When he punishes him more, later, he's awful. When he punishes AP, he's awful. He's just awful and there's nothing you can say to change my mind. Meh.

Speculation is that Goodell will be out. Fine. I hope he makes a lot of player's lives more difficult before he does. I hope he says, "Fuck it, I've been too lenient too long. Let me make up for this shit right now." I hope he starts throwing the book at everybody and stops the trend of NFL players being exempt when they fail the tests of basic human decency. Turn it into a survival game show: Who's Can Stay in the NFL? When there's a real threat to those 6-digit checks and not being able to participate in something you love maybe we'll see real change. 

I'm not unreasonable though. I get that part of the pique is about a lack of guidelines. How do you know what you can get away with if there are no regulations clearly outlining the possible punishments?